Can someone please edit this or give me some tips all answers appreciated will vote for best 10 pts?

I think what you are trying to ask here is rewriting and not editing. If I am not mistaken, this is for your freelance writing job and it needs rewriting while your deadline for submission is fast approaching, right? I am a freelance writer, too. I suggest you give me some of your projects so that I can help you write it, at an agreed rate of course!!!...lol!!!...:-) ....PEACE!!!...