Do you honestly like this poem I wrote?

There are lines in your writing that are very well done. The problem (and I'm no expert) is that it doesn't flow well. The reader has to labor through some of the lines. Try to scale it back a bit and read it out loud to yourself as you are writing. Don't rhyme just for the sake of rhyming. You have talent. You just have to develop it a little more. Good luck & God bless.